How Your Self-Esteem Dramatically Affects How You Date

In dating, how you feel about yourself, your “self-esteem”, will be either projected onto others or secretly hidden from them. And this occurs whether or not you are aware of doing it. How we feel about ourselves affects the friends we attract, as well as future dating partners or mates. We tend to attract the same degree of self-esteem in others that we feel about ourselves. Therefore, if you are not liking your friends or dating prospects you need to do a check on how you feel about yourself first. Dating is uncomfortable because we want to be seen as…

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People With These 14 Personality Traits Are Most Likely To Have A Secure Attachment Style

If you want to feel a secure attachment in your relationship pick someone with these qualities! People with a secure attachment style approach relationships differently from those who typically form problematic relationships. Their personality traits include being confident, emotionally open and loving. The fortunate person they love will feel secure, treasured, emotionally safe and highly valued by their secure partner. I say fortunate, because in one study done by Cindy Hazan Ph.D. and Phillip Shaver Ph.D. only 56% of people reported enjoying secure relationship attachments. But in order to attract someone with these personality traits, you need to first learn…

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8 Signs to Know If An Independent Woman Will Make You Happy

Living with an emotionally healthy independent woman can be challenging, but you should not consider her a challenge to see if you are “man enough”. The independent woman has goals and aspirations that are very similar to yours and the challenge comes from deciding on a fair distribution of whose goals will take priority. She doesn’t need a man for protection, financial security or status. Although she is quite capable of living alone but prefers to share her life with her mate. She wants a romantic partner she can feel close to, with whom she can share her home life.…

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Two Precious Gifts From Father To Daughter: Not What You Think!

A father is the gateway to his daughter’s future relationships with boys and eventually men or women. What are these precious gifts from father to daughter? When we think of child-rearing we often think of supporting the family through steady employment or cooking healthy meals for them. Keeping them clothed and medically cared for. We also can think beyond the basics. For example, reading them bedtime stories or having certain traditions during bath time. Or taking them on family vacations and helping them with homework. But these things are not the most important gifts: A Father’s Most Precious Gift to…

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Signs of An Emotionally Insecure Relationship With A Lover, Friend or Parent

In an insecure relationship the more attached we are to our “person” the more vulnerable we feel with them. When one partner pulls away the other partner most often will feel emotionally abandoned, disconnected and insecure of the bond, especially if this occurs often. Secure relationships are about having a secure emotional attachment with the other person. Our emotional attachments begin with our parents or guardian, evolve to our closest friends, and eventually lead to a romantic relationship with a partner. When we have a secure emotional attachment we feel safe, cared for, and that we can rely on “our…

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Relationship Deal Breakers – Know Your Warning Signs & Red Flags

When counseling my clients at my LA office I use a system of Red, Orange and Yellow Flags to help them recognize varying degrees of warning signs in dating or relationships. This also is a decision-making system to recognize what you will live with and what traits become deal breakers. A Red Flag means RUN! These very dangerous characteristics are highly unlikely to ever change. Relationships are challenging enough without being doomed from the start. Orange means improvement will most likely require significant work with a therapist skilled in that particular area. You must decide if you think it can…

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9 Secrets To A Successful Relationship After A Long Term Single And Independent Lifestyle

Maybe you were focused on your career and time went by. Maybe you have been divorced or widowed for a while. Maybe you just never met the “right one”. But one day you find yourself involved with another person and your lives are beginning to blend together. And suddenly you are scared. How do you succeed at this process when you’ve always lived your life according to your own style? Even the most independent people can find ways to share life, love, joy, laughter, and fun with the right person. You will work together to find the win-win in a…

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Is Your Good Guy Sometimes A Bad Person? Can You Live With That?

Have you ever heard the phrases “turning a blind eye” or “seeing through rose colored glasses?” This means that someone chooses to see only what they want to see, and overlooks the negative factors. However, the negative behavior still happens. The other person just chooses to overlook it. No one is perfect and we live with their imperfections, just as they live with ours. The important factor is knowing the difference between what we can truly live with and what we cannot. What Happens When You Overlook the Negative? Negative behavior will eventually affect the relationship if it goes unchecked…

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Improve Your Relationship in 2018. What Will YOU Do To Improve It?

Another year has come and gone. Are your relationships the same they were at the end of last year? How is that working for you? Do you have any unhappy relationships?  Have you given each relationship your best efforts? If not, are you ready to improve your relationship to the best of your ability? Or are you needing to make significant changes in your life? Sometimes relationships change and no longer fit us as they did in the beginning.  We change, others change over time as well. That doesn’t mean relationships need to end. Sometimes they just need to be…

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Understand Your Mate – Fight Less and Love More! Build a context.

When you more fully understand how your mate ticks, you build a context of that person. This understanding allows you to use that context during those times when you feel hurt, misjudged, or unheard (which is inevitable in relationships). When you understand how your mate thinks and feels in various experiences you can apply this context to other situations and more accurately interpret what your mate really means. This can help prevent those misunderstood feelings or “disconnections” from occurring. For example, as a newlywed, I often felt my husband would ignore me. One time I was in the kitchen, just…

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