Life101

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Don’t Turn On & Off Your Values. You Will Lose Your Core

Our values determine how we live our life. They are not a light switch we turn on and off at our whim. They form a screen through which we interpret the world and color our decision-making, our interests, and our goals in life. The values we choose to live by, healthy or not, often determine our direction in life, and the things we want to achieve and experience. They help identify those things in life that are most important to us, such as what is right and wrong behavior in ourselves, and those we choose to be around. Choose your…

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A Not So Merry Christmas? What Happened to My Great Plans?

I’m in danger of having a Not So Merry Christmas this year. I traditionally have various parts of my family join me as they can for Christmas Eve dinner, Christmas breakfast, and an afternoon movie. Then I host a wonderful Christmas dinner for the entire family. This extended celebration allows us to reconnect as both a family and as individuals. Sound good? I thought so. This has been our tradition for many years. But evidently not this year! I came back from a conference with the full blown flu. I am taking medication and getting better every day, but plans…

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Don’t Call Me Scrooge! I Just “Celebrate” Differently.

Have you been called “Scrooge” before? Can’t enjoy the holidays? There’s nothing wrong with you. You just “celebrate” differently. Some people enjoy the holidays. They celebrate the hustle and bustle, the shopping, the decorating, the cooking, and the back-to-back parties. Some people choose to de-emphasize the presents and celebrate the decorations and the spirit of giving around them. Some people are cynical and see nothing more than people being “brainwashed” to spend a lot of money because “that’s what people do”. Or a scheme by the department stores to have people spend more money than they have. Others are reminded…

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Life Giving You Lemons? Best Lemonade Recipes Ever!

When you feel life is giving you lemons you have a choice to make: you can accept your lemons or you can make lemonade. This means make it work for you. It may not be exactly how you want it, but it will be better than feeling like a victim and focusing on what is so unfair to you. We can’t control everything around us, but we can control how we experience a situation. Make it Work for You!!! Examples of Life Lemons: Being passed up for a promotion. Choices: Quit Begin looking for another job while you continue to…

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Dealing With Grief: A Survival Guide

Grief is a life event that we all face at one time or another. Some of us have had much more than our share of it. We cannot avoid grief, but we can engage in a process to work toward feeling better. Some loss is much harder to deal with than other losses. Our unconscious part of the brain does not know the difference between one loss and another. So when a new loss is experienced, even a minor loss, it can bring up all the other losses that affected us previously, even without realizing it. With a large, unspeakable…

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Surviving the Upcoming Holidays: Gulp! The “How To”

Wow! The holidays are here again! For some, this period is filled with time pressures, money issues, over committing and dealing with FAMILY DYNAMICS and the expectations of others. How do you deal with these vexing issues? The answer is in your Core, or Gut Feeling. You need to start from a grounded place inside you and then move on from there. [Click HERE to see my previous article on listening to your Core] Ask yourself: What would you really like to do? What stops you from doing that? Money? Family dynamics? Logistics? Breaking tradition? What consequences will result if…

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The Bullseye Exercise: Make Decisions Based Upon the Person’s Value to You

Too often we feel pressure to do something because someone is “counting on us”, but we really don’t want to do it. The Bullseye Exercise helps to make that decision by identifying the degree of value we attribute to a particular relationship. In using the Bullseye to make these decisions, the farther away a person is from the center, the less we go out of our way for them. We put less energy into the relationship, and do not work as hard to work out disagreements. We put less energy into pleasing them. Conversely, the closer to the bullseye, the…

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Getting Out of the “Perfect Picture” Trap in Disagreements/Negotiations

A negotiation will fail if one or both participants insist on their “Perfect Picture” of the solution. This forms a trap or a stalemate in the negotiation and a failure to resolve a disagreement. However, there is a way to avoid this trap. Inside each “perfect picture” really are various factors that have become “musts” in the person’s head that represent what they need. Actually, when you take a closer look, not all “musts” or wants are equal. Some are truly what we feel we must have to feel safe, or happy or secure. Others come from “preferences” which do…

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Our Comfort Zone: How It Affects Our Life, Relationships, Employment

What is a Comfort Zone? We all have our own Comfort Zone. It is that warm feeling we get when our experiences conform to familiar and acceptable patterns. When we leave our Comfort Zone, we feel uncomfortable because we are doing something that is out of our norm. It could be a new experience, or it could be out of our normal range of values. It can also come up when we begin to challenge our own thinking and it takes us out of our range of how we believe. Perhaps someone is challenging us to do something we have…

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Identify Unhealthy Behavioral Themes in You and Others

Have you ever wondered why there is a theme to how things turn out for you in certain situations? It is likely that you are looking at the situation (or reacting to it) in the same manner – so the results will form a pattern or theme. If you like the results, then there is not a problem. However, if you are not liking the results maybe it’s time to examine the thinking and action that is underlying your decisions. You can begin to identify unhealthy behavioral themes and make the necessary changes to get the results you are wanting.…

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