Relationship Pillar #1: No Agenda – No Belief It MUST Be A Certain Way

What is an Agenda? An agenda is a belief that we keep because it serves a purpose. We believe it “must be” this way for us to be “OK” or to get what we want. For example, we believe that if we are 30 years old, female and not in a committed relationship we are doomed to be single the rest of our life. Or we believe that if we choose to not have children we will be judged as “selfish”. Or if we are the first and only couple to be divorced in our family we will be seen…

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The Four Pillars Of Dating And Relationships

We have all heard the horror stories from all of the dates gone so wrong. We have most likely experienced some of those horror stories ourselves. For example, being set up by friends who just “know” the right person for you. Or sitting across the table just staring at each other, with not a lot to say. Or the date “suddenly” gets a call and “has” to take off and apologizes. Where do we learn about dating? Our friends? Our family members? Just from our own experiences? If you are a “conscious” person who is always learning about yourself and…

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Create a Must Have List to Recognize Mr/Ms Right

The last blog discussed how you have to first know yourself well before you can recognize the “right” person for you in a romantic relationship. I hope you have taken the time to begin to think about those qualities that fit you. These qualities become the “air” you breathe when you are with that special person day in and day out. What do you need to experience in the other person to be a good match? Most people know what doesn’t work for them in a relationship but haven’t thought as much or clearly about the positive qualities they need…

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Dating 101: Know Yourself First To Recognize Mr/Ms Right

If you don’t know yourself, how can you know who you should be dating? Many relationships go wrong because the people are not a match for each other – they are unable to recognize when something is not good for them. Healthy relationships are more likely when each person knows themselves well – they know what makes them happy, what works for them, what fills their heart and makes them feel valued and loved. These individuals know what good communication feels like in a relationship. They enjoy doing many of the same things. They manage money issues together. These people…

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Relationship Checklist – Part 2

In Part 2 of the Relationship Checklist, we continue discussing the factors that contribute to a secure and lasting romantic relationship. These same principles can be modified to apply to ANY relationship – family, friends, co-workers, neighbors. I will come back to this in future articles. 6. Feeling Like a Team: being on the same page together in terms of both daily activities and common goals. Does not come out of power or control You have my best interest at heart and I have yours Examples: helping one parent pick up the kids for soccer games…..helping get tasks done……helping with…

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Relationship Checklist for Couples – Part I

Relationships are like a Greenhouse: You have especially chosen your flowers and plants because they are appealing to you and they give you joy. But just like a greenhouse relationships need loving care. They need to be nourished in order to grow. You need to care for them in ways that are healthy and promote growth. And like a greenhouse they require a lot of work and maintenance in order to flourish. And this maintenance never stops. If it does……you get weeds! What attracted you to the person to begin with? Most often we are attracted to those qualities we…

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RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST FOR COUPLES- Intro

What goes into making a relationship successful? Relationships are a lot of work and that will never change. It is about wanting to have a close, loving, emotionally safe relationship with someone we are attracted to, value, respect and with whom we want to share our life. It is a garden that must always be nourished or it will grow WEEDS. (Although this discussion focuses on Couples, with modification it can be applied to all relationships.) Relationship skills are most often not taught in school. So how do we know how to be in a relationship? Our knowledge of relationships…

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