4 Scenarios for an Unhealthy Relationship – What If No Improvement or Change?

Improving Relationships

One day you wake up and finally decide that your unhealthy relationship is not working and it is not going to improve on its own. This is really scary and uncomfortable to feel. However, just because things are not changing does not mean they can’t change.  Remember, we don’t know what we don’t know. In other words, we only know things in life that we bump into incidentally, experience along the way, or learn about purposefully.  There are possibilities beyond our knowledge that open the door for change. There are four main scenarios for resolving an unhealthy relationship: Both people…

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Improve Your Relationship in 2018. What Will YOU Do To Improve It?

Improving Relationships

Another year has come and gone. Are your relationships the same they were at the end of last year? How is that working for you? Do you have any unhappy relationships?  Have you given each relationship your best efforts? If not, are you ready to improve your relationship to the best of your ability? Or are you needing to make significant changes in your life? Sometimes relationships change and no longer fit us as they did in the beginning.  We change, others change over time as well. That doesn’t mean relationships need to end. Sometimes they just need to be…

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Find And Fill That Emotional Hole in Your Heart

Emotional Hole

In “Havana”, Camila Cabello sings of longing for her home after she lets a guy take her away to East Atlanta. This is a great example of an emotional hole inside our heart, or inside what I call our core being. This feeling will not go away unless we fill that emptiness, or at least fully resolve not having it and find fulfillment in another way. Most everyone has felt a deep emotional hole inside for one reason or another.  It can come from a variety of reasons, but they all have in common an absence or loss of something…

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Understand Your Mate – Fight Less and Love More! Build a context.

Understand Your Mate

When you more fully understand how your mate ticks, you build a context of that person. This understanding allows you to use that context during those times when you feel hurt, misjudged, or unheard (which is inevitable in relationships). When you understand how your mate thinks and feels in various experiences you can apply this context to other situations and more accurately interpret what your mate really means. This can help prevent those misunderstood feelings or “disconnections” from occurring. For example, as a newlywed, I often felt my husband would ignore me. One time I was in the kitchen, just…

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Dating and Self-Esteem: How One Affects the Other

Bad dating experiences affect our Self-Esteem, but this is the end of the cycle – not where it begins. Our Self-Esteem very much affects how we present ourselves and the impression it leaves on other people. Are we confident? Or do we feel we have little to offer someone? Do we set the bar low, expecting little from our dates, believing this is all we deserve? This is just the beginning of how our Self-Esteem affects our Dating choices and experiences. Poor self-esteem when we begin dating can initiate a downward spiral of bad dating experiences. This reinforces our poor…

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How Much “Me Time” Do You Need? How Does This Fit with Date Time and Family Time?

Parents often feel guilty having me time or even date night we time. They feel they don’t spend enough time with their kids as it is. Or they also report missing their kids so they don’t want to give that time away for “me time” or even date night. Then I also have parents that see family time as the same as date night. Date night is between husband and wife, not the kids. So how do you maintain a healthy balance between me time, we time and family time? Let’s discuss the importance of each element and what each does for…

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Single Lifestyle Most of Your Life. How Do You Make Room For a Mate?

For whatever reason – career, lifestyle choices or past breakup – you are living a single lifestyle. You don’t have to make room for someone else. Your decisions are your own. No one else to consider. Your needs for more “Me Time” are irrelevant. How you spend your money doesn’t involve the consideration of others as much. What you eat or where you eat doesn’t matter. How you spend your leisure time does not necessarily involve the decision-making of someone else. You may fully enjoy this single lifestyle, or it came out of your life choices or circumstances. You have…

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Relationship Pillar #4: TIME reveals a mate’s true nature

TIME, Relationship Pillar #4, is often the most challenging one. TIME refers to consistently practicing each of the three preceding pillars for at least 6 months. After 6 months of regular and sustained interaction you can be fairly certain you have witnessed the full range of behaviors in your potential partner. You can then rationally evaluate whether this is the person for you. To recap – If you have no agenda, have eyes are open and willing to see, and you are practicing the various skills and concepts relating to relationships (the 1st three Pillars) for 6 months or more,…

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Relationship Pillar #3: Concepts & Skills To Navigate Situations

Concepts and skills are vital to successfully navigating any relationship. People don’t know what they don’t know, so they often interpret situations blindly. Concepts help us to understand what is going on. You have to know what you are looking at and experiencing first, before you can navigate the situation. Skills are the things we can do to deal with the situation in a way that makes us feel better or more clear regarding what we are seeing. Then our choices come out of these two processes. When we understand something more clearly we feel more in control. We know…

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Relationship Pillar #2: Eyes Open and Willing to See the Truth

If we close our eyes it doesn’t mean the situation “magically” changes or doesn’t exist. We need to have our eyes open – Open and Willing to See “What Is” – for us to make changes that do not work for us. I have heard numerous times from people that some negative behavior in their mate just “suddenly” appeared out of the blue. The reality is either: They did not recognize or understand what they were experiencing in the other person. Or They chose to ignore it with the hope of it going “away” over time; that it was just…

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