Dealing With Grief: A Survival Guide

Dealing With Grief

Grief is a life event that we all face at one time or another. Some of us have had much more than our share of it. We cannot avoid grief, but we can engage in a process to work toward feeling better. Some loss is much harder to deal with than other losses. Our unconscious part of the brain does not know the difference between one loss and another. So when a new loss is experienced, even a minor loss, it can bring up all the other losses that affected us previously, even without realizing it. With a large, unspeakable…

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Surviving the Upcoming Holidays: Gulp! The “How To”

Wow! The holidays are here again! For some, this period is filled with time pressures, money issues, over committing and dealing with FAMILY DYNAMICS and the expectations of others. How do you deal with these vexing issues? The answer is in your Core, or Gut Feeling. You need to start from a grounded place inside you and then move on from there. [Click HERE to see my previous article on listening to your Core] Ask yourself: What would you really like to do? What stops you from doing that? Money? Family dynamics? Logistics? Breaking tradition? What consequences will result if…

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The Bullseye Exercise: Make Decisions Based Upon the Person’s Value to You

Too often we feel pressure to do something because someone is “counting on us”, but we really don’t want to do it. The Bullseye Exercise helps to make that decision by identifying the degree of value we attribute to a particular relationship. In using the Bullseye to make these decisions, the farther away a person is from the center, the less we go out of our way for them. We put less energy into the relationship, and do not work as hard to work out disagreements. We put less energy into pleasing them. Conversely, the closer to the bullseye, the…

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Getting Out of the “Perfect Picture” Trap in Disagreements/Negotiations

A negotiation will fail if one or both participants insist on their “Perfect Picture” of the solution. This forms a trap or a stalemate in the negotiation and a failure to resolve a disagreement. However, there is a way to avoid this trap. Inside each “perfect picture” really are various factors that have become “musts” in the person’s head that represent what they need. Actually, when you take a closer look, not all “musts” or wants are equal. Some are truly what we feel we must have to feel safe, or happy or secure. Others come from “preferences” which do…

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Our Comfort Zone: How It Affects Our Life, Relationships, Employment

What is a Comfort Zone? We all have our own Comfort Zone. It is that warm feeling we get when our experiences conform to familiar and acceptable patterns. When we leave our Comfort Zone, we feel uncomfortable because we are doing something that is out of our norm. It could be a new experience, or it could be out of our normal range of values. It can also come up when we begin to challenge our own thinking and it takes us out of our range of how we believe. Perhaps someone is challenging us to do something we have…

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Identify Unhealthy Behavioral Themes in You and Others

Have you ever wondered why there is a theme to how things turn out for you in certain situations? It is likely that you are looking at the situation (or reacting to it) in the same manner – so the results will form a pattern or theme. If you like the results, then there is not a problem. However, if you are not liking the results maybe it’s time to examine the thinking and action that is underlying your decisions. You can begin to identify unhealthy behavioral themes and make the necessary changes to get the results you are wanting.…

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Anchor Page: Challenging Negative Beliefs – Anchoring New Accurate Beliefs

What is an Anchor Page? We all have experienced our negative beliefs running away with us in difficult times. What if there was a way to correct these taunting beliefs into more accurate beliefs that stay with us permanently? I call this an Anchor Page. It is our “go to” place of truths we have vetted in the past when our mind was clear and not in the emotional part of the brain. We write it down to be able to refer back to it when we are in that sense of dread or discomfort and cannot think clearly. It…

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Mind-Shift: Ideas That Catapult Us Forward In Our Thinking & Growth

What is a mind-shift? A mind-shift occurs when our thinking moves from one perspective or viewpoint to another. For example, look at the picture in this blog. Most people initially see a woman in profile. On closer examination, you see half of a face of a woman looking straight forward. Why is this important? A different perspective affects how we see the world. A new perspective changes how we process what we see and the implications of how we interpret those events. It also affects how we expect life events to play out. It significantly changes the decisions we make…

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Coping with Difficult Times – Sink or Swim

Life happens. Coping with it makes all of the difference between sinking into a dark place or staying afloat and swimming. How we make it through these difficult challenges comes from two main processes: How we think about what is going on, What we do about it or the actions we take to move through this time. It also involves a decision: Sink: To give in to what is happening with no action or ways of getting emotional balance, or Swim: To identify options of resolving the issue at hand — and if this is not possible, resolve to identify ways…

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Do Your Decisions Come From Fear or Avoidance or Desire?

Where our decisions come from emotionally makes a big difference in terms of how we get to where we want to go. For example, someone who desires to be happily married and has no fear or doubts about this happening one day is more likely to attain that goal. However, someone who has been hurt or disappointed often in life, especially in a career or relationship, may choose another path that feels safer to them. One that has lower risk of being hurt or disappointed. But with this path come consequences of those choices. If we play it “safe” in…

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