Relationship Checklist for Couples – Explained

Realtionship Checklist Intro

This article explains the concepts behind the Relationship Checklist that I introduced in a previous article (Link). Relationships are like a Greenhouse: You have especially chosen your flowers and plants because they are appealing to you and give you joy. But just like a greenhouse, relationships need loving care and a lot of work and maintenance to flourish. They need to be nourished in order to grow. Stop this maintenance and you get weeds! The Relationship Checklist assembles the ingredients I have discovered over the years for a healthy garden. It takes practice and the willingness to be vulnerable with the…

Continue reading

Relationship Checklist For Couples and Singles – Intro

Realtionship Checklist Intro

Great relationships that endure over time have common behaviors and values that create a healthy and nourishing bond. This relationship checklist works for both couples and singles. It identifies the needed ingredients for a healthy and enduring romantic relationship. You can find a link to a downloadable version of the Relationship Checklist at the end of the article. We naturally want a close, loving, emotionally safe relationship with someone we cherish. What goes into making a relationship successful? Relationships are a lot of work and that will never change. We want to value, respect someone with whom we want to…

Continue reading

Essential Tips for Dealing With Your Life Crisis (Medical, Financial, Relationship, Divorce)

Pic of person in crisis

Sometimes a life crisis (medical, financial, or a family member’s divorce) can be dealt with more easily than an ongoing unhealthy family dynamic. If you are dealing with unhealthy family issues that are ongoing, see my article entitled How To Cope With Family Drama Without Falling Apart. A life crisis often leads to family drama. Effective communication can make the difference between healthy or challenging family relationships, as well as managing family drama and scary situations. Every traumatic event has effective communication skills that work and help you focus on the issue at hand. Below are various types of situations…

Continue reading

11 Signs to Find The Right Mate For a Successful Relationship

Find the Rt Mate

Finding the right mate for a successful relationship requires knowing and valuing yourself first, and what you want. We tend to attract the same level of self-esteem in our mate as what we have in ourselves. It’s not a guessing game If you know what you want and also have those same qualities. I am not saying that you two need to be the same person. However, you need to have a lot in common to share a life together. Here are some guidelines to determine what you want and if your guy or girl is the right one. 1.…

Continue reading

10 Reasons Why Couples Counseling is a Good Idea

Reasons for Couples Counseling

People often cringe when they consider couple’s counseling. Some people are afraid it will make things worse. Others may fear it will cause a divorce. Many fear they will not be successful at couples counseling.  But there are many reasons why couples counseling is a good idea! Reason 1: We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know  … and therein lie all of the possibilities. My favorite saying! Relationship skills are not taught in school. So how are we to know how to navigate a relationship through the ups and downs? Simple – we’re not! Unless you happen to come from…

Continue reading

When Is Couples Counseling A Good Idea?

When Is The Best Time For Couples Counseling

Great question. In my experience, couples counseling is always a good idea in committed relationships, when you hit a milestone that changes the dynamics of your partnership or you’re in crisis. Most couples in my practice believe couples counseling is a good idea when they sincerely believe they cannot achieve the partnership they want without some support. Below you’ll find the best times to seek couples counseling based on various life events, from the best to the most challenging circumstances in seeking counseling. However, any time is better than not seeking counseling at all. Best – Seek Couples Counseling Before…

Continue reading

7 Vital Reasons to Understand What He is Really Saying: Context

Relationships can be tough. Building a “context” of what your mate is really saying significantly increases emotional intimacy and closeness between the two of you. And equally important, building a context significantly lessens the disagreements couples have. We don’t always exactly mean what we say in our conversation. We open our mouth and some sentences come out. But we don’t always thoroughly think through what we are saying. Sound familiar? That’s often how arguments begin. We misunderstand the context or meaning of what the other person is trying to say. And then the downward cycling is well on its way!…

Continue reading

People With These 14 Personality Traits Are Most Likely To Have A Secure Attachment Style

If you want to feel a secure attachment in your relationship pick someone with these qualities! People with a secure attachment style approach relationships differently from those who typically form problematic relationships. Their personality traits include being confident, emotionally open and loving. The fortunate person they love will feel secure, treasured, emotionally safe and highly valued by their secure partner. I say fortunate, because in one study done by Cindy Hazan Ph.D. and Phillip Shaver Ph.D. only 56% of people reported enjoying secure relationship attachments. But in order to attract someone with these personality traits, you need to first learn…

Continue reading

Relationship Deal Breakers – Know Your Warning Signs & Red Flags

Relationship Deal Breakers

When counseling my clients at my LA office I use a system of Red, Orange and Yellow Flags to help them recognize varying degrees of warning signs in dating or relationships. This also is a decision-making system to recognize what you will live with and what traits become deal breakers. A Red Flag means RUN! These very dangerous characteristics are highly unlikely to ever change. Relationships are challenging enough without being doomed from the start. Orange means improvement will most likely require significant work with a therapist skilled in that particular area. You must decide if you think it can…

Continue reading

Is Your Good Guy Sometimes A Bad Person? Can You Live With That?

Good Guy Bad Person

Have you ever heard the phrases “turning a blind eye” or “seeing through rose colored glasses?” This means that someone chooses to see only what they want to see, and overlooks the negative factors. However, the negative behavior still happens. The other person just chooses to overlook it. No one is perfect and we live with their imperfections, just as they live with ours. The important factor is knowing the difference between what we can truly live with and what we cannot. What Happens When You Overlook the Negative? Negative behavior will eventually affect the relationship if it goes unchecked…

Continue reading