10 Reasons Why Couples Counseling is a Good Idea

Reasons for Couples Counseling

People often cringe when they consider couple’s counseling. Some people are afraid it will make things worse. Others may fear it will cause a divorce. Many fear they will not be successful at couples counseling.  But there are many reasons why couples counseling is a good idea! Reason 1: We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know  … and therein lie all of the possibilities. My favorite saying! Relationship skills are not taught in school. So how are we to know how to navigate a relationship through the ups and downs? Simple – we’re not! Unless you happen to come from…

Continue reading

When Is Couples Counseling A Good Idea?

When Is The Best Time For Couples Counseling

Great question. In my experience, couples counseling is always a good idea in committed relationships, when you hit a milestone that changes the dynamics of your partnership or you’re in crisis. Most couples in my practice believe couples counseling is a good idea when they sincerely believe they cannot achieve the partnership they want without some support. Below you’ll find the best times to seek couples counseling based on various life events, from the best to the most challenging circumstances in seeking counseling. However, any time is better than not seeking counseling at all. Best – Seek Couples Counseling Before…

Continue reading

7 Vital Reasons to Understand What He is Really Saying: Context

Relationships can be tough. Building a “context” of what your mate is really saying significantly increases emotional intimacy and closeness between the two of you. And equally important, building a context significantly lessens the disagreements couples have. We don’t always exactly mean what we say in our conversation. We open our mouth and some sentences come out. But we don’t always thoroughly think through what we are saying. Sound familiar? That’s often how arguments begin. We misunderstand the context or meaning of what the other person is trying to say. And then the downward cycling is well on its way!…

Continue reading

People With These 14 Personality Traits Are Most Likely To Have A Secure Attachment Style

If you want to feel a secure attachment in your relationship pick someone with these qualities! People with a secure attachment style approach relationships differently from those who typically form problematic relationships. Their personality traits include being confident, emotionally open and loving. The fortunate person they love will feel secure, treasured, emotionally safe and highly valued by their secure partner. I say fortunate, because in one study done by Cindy Hazan Ph.D. and Phillip Shaver Ph.D. only 56% of people reported enjoying secure relationship attachments. But in order to attract someone with these personality traits, you need to first learn…

Continue reading

Relationship Deal Breakers – Know Your Warning Signs & Red Flags

Relationship Deal Breakers

When counseling my clients at my LA office I use a system of Red, Orange and Yellow Flags to help them recognize varying degrees of warning signs in dating or relationships. This also is a decision-making system to recognize what you will live with and what traits become deal breakers. A Red Flag means RUN! These very dangerous characteristics are highly unlikely to ever change. Relationships are challenging enough without being doomed from the start. Orange means improvement will most likely require significant work with a therapist skilled in that particular area. You must decide if you think it can…

Continue reading

Is Your Good Guy Sometimes A Bad Person? Can You Live With That?

Good Guy Bad Person

Have you ever heard the phrases “turning a blind eye” or “seeing through rose colored glasses?” This means that someone chooses to see only what they want to see, and overlooks the negative factors. However, the negative behavior still happens. The other person just chooses to overlook it. No one is perfect and we live with their imperfections, just as they live with ours. The important factor is knowing the difference between what we can truly live with and what we cannot. What Happens When You Overlook the Negative? Negative behavior will eventually affect the relationship if it goes unchecked…

Continue reading

6 Questions to Ask When Someone You Love Has Depression

You’ve been watching your loved one struggle with serious depression for a while now. What do you do? What do you say? You’re not a psychologist or a doctor! The good news is that you can help. This article presents a series of questions to ask to determine the extent of the depression. You will have a better feel for how to interpret their answers and get them the help they need. It also describes some of the possible signs of depression so that you can better determine if they need help. Read the article HERE. This article was originally published on YourTango.com where…

Continue reading

The Secret Ingredient To Creating Passion In Your Relationship

Nice dinner, soft lighting, candles and tasty cuisine. Why isn’t this enough to ignite passion? Because of one missing ingredient: Connection. What is connection? And why is it so important in a relationship? How does connection create passion? And how can I connect with my mate? What Connection Looks Like: At its core, emotional connection describes a bonding between two people: An appreciation or understanding of one another. Reaching towards the other person. Feeling valued and “seen” by the other person. A coming together over common goals. Having things in common. Feeling like two people in the world together. Connection…

Continue reading

7 Ways to Stop Arguing And Reconnect Your Romantic Relationship

Stop Arguing

How do you stop arguing when it seems like the argument will never be resolved? When we keep replaying the same argument over and over again we feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, sad and sometimes helpless and hopeless. Just because we can’t stop arguing doesn’t mean there isn’t a resolution. It means we haven’t found a way to avoid the triggers that continue the negative cycling. We learn how to argue and deal with conflict mostly from our parents who learned it from their parents, and so on. Sometimes we deliberately go another way, hoping that way will work better. But…

Continue reading

How Do I Know If I Have A Secure Attachment In My Relationship?

When we are in a relationship comprising a secure attachment we feel safe, secure, cared for, and that we can rely on “our person”. In a secure attachment with someone (a best friend, a romantic mate, or a child) we feel valued, heard and emotionally connected to one another. We feel that our needs matter. Our attachments begin with our parents or guardian, and evolve to our closest friends and eventually to a romantic relationship with a partner. The more attached we are to our “person” the more vulnerable we feel with them. When one partner pulls away the other…

Continue reading