Living The Life You Love

Susan reflects on how you can design your life to live the life you love. The articles below may help your current situation or you can suggest an article or get help by contacting Susan Saint-Welch HERE. She does not provide psychotherapy by email or outside California.


Our Comfort Zone: How It Affects Our Life, Relationships, Employment

What is a Comfort Zone? We all have our own Comfort Zone. It is that warm feeling we get when our experiences conform to familiar and acceptable patterns. When we leave our Comfort Zone, we feel uncomfortable because we are doing something that is out of our norm. It could be a new experience, or it could be out of our normal range of values. It can also come up when we begin to challenge our own thinking and it takes us out of our range of how we believe. Perhaps someone is challenging us to do something we have…

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Relationship Pillar #2: Eyes Open and Willing to See the Truth

If we close our eyes it doesn’t mean the situation “magically” changes or doesn’t exist. We need to have our eyes open – Open and Willing to See “What Is” – for us to make changes that do not work for us. I have heard numerous times from people that some negative behavior in their mate just “suddenly” appeared out of the blue. The reality is either: They did not recognize or understand what they were experiencing in the other person. Or They chose to ignore it with the hope of it going “away” over time; that it was just…

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Relationship Pillar #1: No Agenda – No Belief It MUST Be A Certain Way

What is an Agenda? An agenda is a belief that we keep because it serves a purpose. We believe it “must be” this way for us to be “OK” or to get what we want. For example, we believe that if we are 30 years old, female and not in a committed relationship we are doomed to be single the rest of our life. Or we believe that if we choose to not have children we will be judged as “selfish”. Or if we are the first and only couple to be divorced in our family we will be seen…

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The Four Pillars Of Dating And Relationships

We have all heard the horror stories from all of the dates gone so wrong. We have most likely experienced some of those horror stories ourselves. For example, being set up by friends who just “know” the right person for you. Or sitting across the table just staring at each other, with not a lot to say. Or the date “suddenly” gets a call and “has” to take off and apologizes. Where do we learn about dating? Our friends? Our family members? Just from our own experiences? If you are a “conscious” person who is always learning about yourself and…

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Mind-Shift: Ideas That Catapult Us Forward In Our Thinking & Growth

What is a mind-shift? A mind-shift occurs when our thinking moves from one perspective or viewpoint to another. For example, look at the picture in this blog. Most people initially see a woman in profile. On closer examination, you see half of a face of a woman looking straight forward. Why is this important? A different perspective affects how we see the world. A new perspective changes how we process what we see and the implications of how we interpret those events. It also affects how we expect life events to play out. It significantly changes the decisions we make…

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Attract What You Want: Create an Image or Vision Board

We attract experiences that match our subconscious beliefs. If we expect failure or disappointment, we will usually realize failure or disappointment. If we expect success or happiness, we will usually achieve it. We need to experience the world in a way that makes sense to our subconscious beliefs about how the world works. However, we can create an Image or Vision Board to reprogram our subconscious and attract what we consciously want. Our beliefs are very strong and powerful: They determine how we interpret what we experience on a daily basis. For example, lets look at a woman whose father…

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Create a Must Have List to Recognize Mr/Ms Right

The last blog discussed how you have to first know yourself well before you can recognize the “right” person for you in a romantic relationship. I hope you have taken the time to begin to think about those qualities that fit you. These qualities become the “air” you breathe when you are with that special person day in and day out. What do you need to experience in the other person to be a good match? Most people know what doesn’t work for them in a relationship but haven’t thought as much or clearly about the positive qualities they need…

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Do Your Decisions Come From Fear or Avoidance or Desire?

Where our decisions come from emotionally makes a big difference in terms of how we get to where we want to go. For example, someone who desires to be happily married and has no fear or doubts about this happening one day is more likely to attain that goal. However, someone who has been hurt or disappointed often in life, especially in a career or relationship, may choose another path that feels safer to them. One that has lower risk of being hurt or disappointed. But with this path come consequences of those choices. If we play it “safe” in…

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Your Core is Your New Best Friend

What is a Core and why would it be your new best friend? By Core I mean the gut feeling we all have inside us from time to time. When you have to make a call that is really uncomfortable for you, don’t you feel that weight like something is tugging at you in a negative way in the pit of your stomach? And after the call is made doesn’t your gut feel lighter? Or when you see a beautiful sunset that really touches your heart doesn’t your gut feel warm or comforting? How about when you first meet someone…

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LIFE SKILLS: WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DON’T KNOW

Life skills usually are not taught in school. So how can we learn how to cope? Or how to grieve? Or how to find our way in life? How do we know if we will fit in with the rest of the world? How do we know how to be happy? Or what we are really emotionally feeling without some kind of a compass? We are very lucky when we have a guide who can teach us along the way. But for most people there are no skilled guides. No easy handbooks. No blueprint or map to follow. We often…

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