Dating and Relationships

Self-Esteem & DatingDating is hard. Keeping a relationship is harder. The keys to both dating and relationships are knowing yourself, knowing what you want, expressing your needs, listening to the needs of your (future) partner, and working out some sort of compromise. The articles below may help your current situation or you can suggest an article by contacting Susan Saint-Welch HERE. Please see the sidebar to the right to discuss if coaching or psychotherapy is appropriate for you.

Understand Your Mate – Fight Less and Love More! Build a context.

Understand Your Mate

When you more fully understand how your mate ticks, you build a context of that person. This understanding allows you to use that context during those times when you feel hurt, misjudged, or unheard (which is inevitable in relationships). When you understand how your mate thinks and feels in various experiences you can apply this context to other situations and more accurately interpret what your mate really means. This can help prevent those misunderstood feelings or “disconnections” from occurring. For example, as a newlywed, I often felt my husband would ignore me. One time I was in the kitchen, just…

Continue reading

How Much “Me Time” Do You Need? How Does This Fit with Date Time and Family Time?

Parents often feel guilty having me time or even date night we time. They feel they don’t spend enough time with their kids as it is. Or they also report missing their kids so they don’t want to give that time away for “me time” or even date night. Then I also have parents that see family time as the same as date night. Date night is between husband and wife, not the kids. So how do you maintain a healthy balance between me time, we time and family time? Let’s discuss the importance of each element and what each does for…

Continue reading

Getting Out of the “Perfect Picture” Trap in Disagreements/Negotiations

A negotiation will fail if one or both participants insist on their “Perfect Picture” of the solution. This forms a trap or a stalemate in the negotiation and a failure to resolve a disagreement. However, there is a way to avoid this trap. Inside each “perfect picture” really are various factors that have become “musts” in the person’s head that represent what they need. Actually, when you take a closer look, not all “musts” or wants are equal. Some are truly what we feel we must have to feel safe, or happy or secure. Others come from “preferences” which do…

Continue reading

Relationship Checklist – Part 2

In Part 2 of the Relationship Checklist, we continue discussing the factors that contribute to a secure and lasting romantic relationship. These same principles can be modified to apply to ANY relationship – family, friends, co-workers, neighbors. I will come back to this in future articles. 6. Feeling Like a Team: being on the same page together in terms of both daily activities and common goals. Does not come out of power or control You have my best interest at heart and I have yours Examples: helping one parent pick up the kids for soccer games…..helping get tasks done……helping with…

Continue reading