Blog

Susan Saint-Welch writes articles helping people learn tools to navigate crises arising from daily life. The articles fall into these main categories:

Dating and Relationships    •    Couples In Conflict      •      Family Drama And Crisis

Coping With Difficult Times     •     Living The Life You Love      •      Improving Self Image

You can check out the articles in each category by clicking the links above, or you can read the latest articles below.

Taking Our Childhood Experiences into Adulthood With Negative Effects

Our negative childhood experiences shape who we are: But you can fix it now!  Some people are fortunate to have parents that are active, caring, ...
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Self-Blame is Toxic and Unhelpful…But It’s Fixable!

We all experience "self-blaming" at times. But because self-blame is toxic, it means we are devaluing ourselves and denying the humanness in us all. I ...
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Take Control of This New Year! Here’s How to Make it Work For YOU!

When you truly take control of this New Year, things don’t just magically happen. They happen because you are doing those things that really work ...
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Don’t Be Stuck in Your Life – Try Creating a Flow Instead

When we're creating a flow in our life we actually use up less “heartbeats” as I call it. By this, I mean learning to panic ...
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Accepting a Reality I Don’t Want – How To Make it Work For Me

Accepting our reality in a given situation doesn’t mean we are forced to “like it”. We almost always have a choice.  In life, we may ...
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Where People Go Wrong in Their Current Dating Choices

If you are one of the many people who go wrong in dating choices, you are in good company. We all have been there at ...
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Dealing With A COVID-19 Thanksgiving – How To Make It Work

This Thanksgiving holiday is like no other, at least not in most people's generation. But you can still make this COVID-19 Thanksgiving Holiday work for ...
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Beware! A Lack of Healthy Boundaries is a Slippery Slope!

Ever feel people run over you? Or your feelings don’t matter to others? Most likely you are not setting healthy boundaries with those around you ...
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Unsure of The Real You? Unlock Your True Identity!

Unlocking your true identity means valuing yourself, standing up for what you believe, and asking for what you want. It’s not about being selfish. Furthermore, ...
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Depression and Surviving the Unknown With Covid-19 Pandemic

The Great Depression and Stock Market Crash of 1929, the World Wars, and the Cuban Crisis all had “the unknown” in common. Depression and surviving ...
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Feeling Alone, Isolated, or Invisible? Here’s What You Can Do Today!

Covid-19 pandemic has set a new social experience for most people. Feeling alone,  isolated, or invisible are all normal for this time in our lives ...
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Don’t Like Who You’re Dating? Fix Your Self-Esteem!

Have you ever taken an inventory of who you’ve dated? If you’re not liking who you’re dating, chances are it’s your self-esteem. The reality is ...
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Why Speaking Each Other’s Love Language is a Must

Without speaking each other’s Love Language it’s often difficult to really feel loved. Without hitting the right love language of each other, the feeling of ...
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6 Common Mistakes in Dating You Must Know and Fix Now!

We all have our dating horror stories about those common mistakes in dating experiences and mates we’ve had. That’s human and excusable …...to a degree ...
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Raising Your Self-Esteem Through Healthy Friends

Raising your self-esteem can’t be done without looking at the friends around you. These friends have one of the biggest impacts on the degree of ...
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The ABC’s of Improving Your Self-Esteem Now! (Updated)

(This article on improving your self-esteem updates one of the first articles I wrote a few years ago.) You can begin improving your Self-Esteem as ...
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You Are Not in Control of Your Heart – But Here is What You CAN Do!

There is no magic in finding your ” right” mate in life. It’s about believing in yourself, having a clear picture of what you want, ...
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7 Negative Effects of Poor Self-Esteem

There is a reason you may struggle in life with the negative effects of poor self-esteem. If you look at the people in your life ...
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What Did You Learn About Yourself from COVID-19?

You have a perfect opportunity at your feet. Whenever life circumstances present themselves, you often learn about yourself and how you operate in different situations ...
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How To Trust Someone Again After They’ve Betrayed You & Broken Your Heart

Have you been betrayed by someone you truly loved? Betrayal can be one of the most hurtful things to experience in any kind of relationship ...
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8 Personality Traits Are The Least Likely To Break Your Heart

Relationships are vulnerable any way you look at it. But there are 8 personality traits that are more likely to lead to a healthy relationship ...
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Why Can’t I Move Forward in Life?

You are not alone if you find yourself asking, "Why Can't I move forward in life?" The bad news is that your failure to move ...
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Being an Empath is Not Easy: Are You an Empath?

Being an empath is not easy. I know. I am one. What is an empath? It’s someone sensitive to the energy and feelings of other ...
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Mother’s Day is Not the Same for Everyone: The Good, The Bad and the Sad

Mother's Day is consistently the second Sunday in May. However, Mother's Day is not always the same for everyone. For some, it means a happy ...
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Creating a Healthy Balance in Your Life and Dealing With the Unknown

Creating a healthy balance in your life is essential for good health, especially in difficult times. There are all kinds of crises… loss of employment, ...
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How to Overcome Regrets and Move On With Your Life

Everyone wants to overcome regrets. What matters most is if you learn from them and move on in your life. Then, your regrets have meaning ...
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Dealing With Loss Of All Kinds – Learning To Cope

Dealing with loss and grief can present an opportunity to learn new coping methods, which will prepare us for a more significant loss in the ...
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Great Resource Regarding COVID-19 the Coronavirus Disease

All kinds of various sites online are coming up with updates and new information for dealing with COVID-19. It is really important to know the ...
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How to Deal With Sudden Changes and the Unknown

Being forced to deal with sudden changes in your life or the unknown can be really unnerving. The COVID-19 pandemic is an excellent example. The ...
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Dealing With the Unknown in Life – How to Cope With Difficult Times

Dealing with the unknown in life is often uncomfortable and can be "offsetting" in your mood. How can you cope with difficult times, especially when ...
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Why Do I Always Pick The Wrong Guy? (or Woman)

Do you often feel “slimed” after leaving your date? If you feel you always pick the “wrong guy” it’s time to take an inventory.  Something ...
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Fool-Proof Plan To Move Forward In Life And Get Out Of Your Own Way

Moving forward in life is not taught in school. So how are you supposed to know what “being in your way” even looks like? A ...
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Effective Ways of Building Trust in Someone and Also Yourself

Romantic relationships are the most vulnerable relationships we have. Our heart does what it wants, whether it’s good for us or not. This is why ...
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11 Signs Of An Emotionally Safe and Secure Romantic Relationship

Emotionally safe and secure relationships are not just about romantic relationships. It's essential to have safe and secure relationships with family, friends, coworkers, etc.  However, ...
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Relationship Checklist for Couples – Explained

This article explains the concepts behind the Relationship Checklist that I introduced in a previous article (Link). Relationships are like a Greenhouse: You have especially chosen ...
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So What if You Don’t Have Someone for Valentine’s Day? Make it About YOU!

Here we go again. You don't have someone for Valentine's Day. Another Valentine's Day with high expectations, or for others, sadness. Is it simply a ...
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Relationship Checklist For Couples and Singles – Intro

Great relationships that endure over time have common behaviors and values that create a healthy and nourishing bond. This relationship checklist works for both couples ...
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Dare to Show Your Best Self in Your Dating Profile – Be the Real You!

Are you tempted to “enhance” your dating profile? The better strategy is to present your best Self in dating.  Wow! What a concept! Being yourself ...
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How Self-Esteem Affects Dating, Choice of a Mate and Our Relationship

Self-Esteem affects dating in a very basic way: The healthier self-esteem we have, the healthier mate we will attract. More importantly, the better we feel ...
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Essential Tips for Dealing With Your Life Crisis (Medical, Financial, Relationship, Divorce)

Sometimes a life crisis (medical, financial, or a family member's divorce) can be dealt with more easily than an ongoing unhealthy family dynamic. If you ...
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Design Your Perfect Life in 2020 – Create Your Own Vision Board

Are you tired of never fulfilling your New Year’s resolutions? Create a Vision Board to reprogram your subconscious mind and attract what you consciously want ...
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11 Essential Coping Skills for Teens

Being a teenager is not always easy. But it gets easier if you learn the essential coping skills for teens. Even though you may fear ...
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6 Communication Tips For When Your Family Is In Crisis So You Stay Away From Unnecessary Drama

Family crises often lead to family drama. Effective communication is vital, both for dealing with the situation but also working together as a family unit ...
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13 Reasons Why Success In Life Is Not About Luck

Successful people already know that success in life is not about luck, and they know this because of how they achieved success. They had a ...
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How To Cope With Family Drama Without Falling Apart

Believe it or not, you most often you really can cope with family drama without falling apart. And even more than that, you can turn ...
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7 Reasons Why Coping Skills And Resilience Go Hand In Hand

That’s easy to explain: Coping skills and resilience go hand in hand because the more coping skills you learn and utilize, the more resilient you ...
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What Defines Success In Life?

How we define success in life determines our level of happiness and meaning. Success in life has been defined in a variety of ways. I ...
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What is the Difference Between Self-Image and Self-Esteem?

Deepak Chopra clarifies the difference between Self-Image and Self-Esteem: “Do not confuse your image with your Self — your self-image is what other people think ...
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11 Signs to Find The Right Mate For a Successful Relationship

Finding the right mate for a successful relationship requires knowing and valuing yourself first, and what you want. We tend to attract the same level ...
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10 Reasons Why Couples Counseling is a Good Idea

People often cringe when they consider couple’s counseling. Some people are afraid it will make things worse. Others may fear it will cause a divorce ...
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Where Does Self-Image Come From?

Self-image comes from how we view ourselves and how we appear to others. But it is more than just that. How does our self-image differ ...
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When Is Couples Counseling A Good Idea?

Great question. In my experience, couples counseling is always a good idea in committed relationships, when you hit a milestone that changes the dynamics of ...
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Men – Know The Signs of Low Self-Esteem and How to Fix It

Men who show signs of low self-esteem often keep it to themselves,  believing that it’s “what men do”. They have been taught to just “suck ...
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6 Ways to Find Your True Self – It’s Not Magic

Finding your True Self means becoming aware of those around you, what makes you happy, and what does not. When you feel good about yourself ...
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7 Vital Reasons to Understand What He is Really Saying: Context

Relationships can be tough. Building a “context” of what your mate is really saying significantly increases emotional intimacy and closeness between the two of you ...
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How To Turn Failure Into Success – The Easy Way

Defining “failure” is an individual choice we all have. It can define us or we learn from it. Webster’s Dictionary defines “failure” as “ failing ...
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How To Avoid Holiday Burnout, FOMO, Ghosting, and Family Dysfunction

How will you avoid Holiday Burnout this year? Some people travel to a faraway island. Others fear missing out on “the best” party of the ...
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When Bad Things Happen to Innocent People

At least two different heinous crimes of violence involving a group of innocent people have recently been reported in the news: one was in a ...
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How Your Self-Esteem Dramatically Affects How You Date

In dating, how you feel about yourself, your “self-esteem”, will be either projected onto others or secretly hidden from them. And this occurs whether or ...
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Pushy People: How To Avoid Getting Pushed Into A Corner

Pushy People seem to push you into a corner to get what they want. They are relentless and have no regard for your feelings until ...
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People With These 14 Personality Traits Are Most Likely To Have A Secure Attachment Style

If you want to feel a secure attachment in your relationship pick someone with these qualities! People with a secure attachment style approach relationships differently ...
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Do You Still Feel Like a Child in Your Parents’ Eyes? Do This!

Do your parents treat you like a child, even though you feel like an adult and have the bank account and responsibilities to prove it? ...
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8 Signs to Know If An Independent Woman Will Make You Happy

Living with an emotionally healthy independent woman can be challenging, but you should not consider her a challenge to see if you are “man enough” ...
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Two Precious Gifts From Father To Daughter: Not What You Think!

A father is the gateway to his daughter’s future relationships with boys and eventually men or women. What are these precious gifts from father to ...
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Signs of An Emotionally Insecure Relationship With A Lover, Friend or Parent

In an insecure relationship the more attached we are to our “person” the more vulnerable we feel with them. When one partner pulls away the ...
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Teen Discipline Driving You Crazy? This Proven Method Really Works!

Can’t teach your teen discipline? Do they refuse to perform the simplest chores? Do they consistently fail to do their homework? Think they will NEVER ...
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Relationship Deal Breakers – Know Your Warning Signs & Red Flags

When counseling my clients at my LA office I use a system of Red, Orange and Yellow Flags to help them recognize varying degrees of ...
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9 Secrets To A Successful Relationship After A Long Term Single And Independent Lifestyle

Maybe you were focused on your career and time went by. Maybe you have been divorced or widowed for a while. Maybe you just never ...
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Is Your Good Guy Sometimes A Bad Person? Can You Live With That?

Have you ever heard the phrases “turning a blind eye” or “seeing through rose colored glasses?” This means that someone chooses to see only what ...
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6 Questions to Ask When Someone You Love Has Depression

You've been watching your loved one struggle with serious depression for a while now. What do you do? What do you say? You're not a psychologist ...
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Why Some People Can Look You Straight In The Face And Tell You Lies

People who lie want to avoid responsibility for something negative or they value their feelings more than yours. They will justify their lies with various ...
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Is He The Right Guy? 11 Questions Before Casual Becomes Long-Term.

Navigating through the ups and downs of finding and keeping the Right Guy is like trying to get someplace you don’t know well, in the ...
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Personalized Interpretation of Dreams – You Are Your Best Expert!

We all dream as we sleep. Some of our dreams help us work out the more important issues or events in our life that cause ...
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The Secret Ingredient To Creating Passion In Your Relationship

Nice dinner, soft lighting, candles and tasty cuisine. Why isn’t this enough to ignite passion? Because of one missing ingredient: Connection. What is connection? And ...
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What Do My Dreams Mean? Dream Interpretation Made Simple.

We all dream, whether we are aware of them or not - whether we remember them or not. Dreams help our mind deal with experiences ...
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7 Ways to Stop Arguing And Reconnect Your Romantic Relationship

How do you stop arguing when it seems like the argument will never be resolved? When we keep replaying the same argument over and over ...
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How Do I Know If I Have A Secure Attachment In My Relationship?

When we are in a relationship comprising a secure attachment we feel safe, secure, cared for, and that we can rely on “our person”. In ...
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Surviving Valentine’s Day Pressure In a Relationship, Or Single

Valentines Day means many different things to people. For some it signifies the love they feel for their mate. Others (whether they have a mate ...
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The Difference Between Clinical Depression And Just Feeling Depressed

Often clients will ask me “Sometimes I feel a lack of energy or I just want to be alone. Can this be depression?” Clinical Depression ...
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You Must See The Whole Person. You Can’t Just Pick The Values You Like

Wouldn’t it be a perfect relationship world if we could love someone without seeing the “the bad and the ugly” in them and just focus ...
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Make Your Decisions Out Of Desire- Not Fear Or Avoidance

We make hundreds of decisions a day, of which most are unconscious. What to eat, what to wear, when to leave for work, which lane ...
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4 Scenarios for an Unhealthy Relationship – What If No Improvement or Change?

One day you wake up and finally decide that your unhealthy relationship is not working and it is not going to improve on its own ...
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Don’t Turn On & Off Your Values. You Will Lose Your Core

Our values determine how we live our life. They are not a light switch we turn on and off at our whim. They form a ...
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Improve Your Relationship in 2018. What Will YOU Do To Improve It?

Another year has come and gone. Are your relationships the same they were at the end of last year? How is that working for you? ...
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A Not So Merry Christmas? What Happened to My Great Plans?

I’m in danger of having a Not So Merry Christmas this year. I traditionally have various parts of my family join me as they can ...
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Find And Fill That Emotional Hole in Your Heart

In “Havana”, Camila Cabello sings of longing for her home after she lets a guy take her away to East Atlanta. This is a great ...
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Don’t Call Me Scrooge! I Just “Celebrate” Differently.

Have you been called “Scrooge” before? Can't enjoy the holidays? There's nothing wrong with you. You just "celebrate" differently. Some people enjoy the holidays. They ...
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Understand Your Mate – Fight Less and Love More! Build a context.

When you more fully understand how your mate ticks, you build a context of that person. This understanding allows you to use that context during ...
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Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships – Part 2

In this third and final article in the series, we cover how children who have survived growing up with unhealthy parenting relationships can change their ...
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Life Giving You Lemons? Best Lemonade Recipes Ever!

When you feel life is giving you lemons you have a choice to make: you can accept your lemons or you can make lemonade. This ...
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Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships – Part 1

The previous article in this series listed the negative effects that can result in children raised by one or more unhealthy parents. These children are ...
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Dating and Self-Esteem: How One Affects the Other

Bad dating experiences affect our Self-Esteem, but this is the end of the cycle – not where it begins. Our Self-Esteem very much affects how ...
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Dealing With Grief: A Survival Guide

Grief is a life event that we all face at one time or another. Some of us have had much more than our share of ...
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Adult Children of Alcoholics, Depressives or Narcissistic Parents – Part 1

Adult Children who grew up with unhealthy parenting dynamics often feel “broken” – that there is something wrong or missing in them, and they do ...
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Surviving the Upcoming Holidays: Gulp! The “How To”

Wow! The holidays are here again! For some, this period is filled with time pressures, money issues, over committing and dealing with FAMILY DYNAMICS and ...
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How Much “Me Time” Do You Need? How Does This Fit with Date Time and Family Time?

Parents often feel guilty having me time or even date night we time. They feel they don't spend enough time with their kids as it is ...
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The Inner Child: Whose Eyes Do You See Through?

Many believe we have left our childhood behind. But, that little boy or little girl inside us (our Inner Child) recorded early childhood experiences that ...
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Single Lifestyle Most of Your Life. How Do You Make Room For a Mate?

For whatever reason – career, lifestyle choices or past breakup – you are living a single lifestyle. You don't have to make room for someone ...
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The Bullseye Exercise: Make Decisions Based Upon the Person’s Value to You

Too often we feel pressure to do something because someone is “counting on us”, but we really don't want to do it. The Bullseye Exercise ...
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Relationship Pillar #4: TIME reveals a mate’s true nature

TIME, Relationship Pillar #4, is often the most challenging one. TIME refers to consistently practicing each of the three preceding pillars for at least 6 ...
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Getting Out of the “Perfect Picture” Trap in Disagreements/Negotiations

A negotiation will fail if one or both participants insist on their “Perfect Picture” of the solution. This forms a trap or a stalemate in ...
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Stand in Your Own Truth: Don’t Give Away Your Core

Too many times we allow someone else to overshadow what we believe or how we truly feel. We give our Core away and allow others ...
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Relationship Pillar #3: Concepts & Skills To Navigate Situations

Concepts and skills are vital to successfully navigating any relationship. People don't know what they don't know, so they often interpret situations blindly. Concepts help ...
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Our Comfort Zone: How It Affects Our Life, Relationships, Employment

What is a Comfort Zone? We all have our own Comfort Zone. It is that warm feeling we get when our experiences conform to familiar ...
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The Mother’s Precious Gift to the Son: His Real Worth To A Woman

What Is The Gift? Just as the Father has a special gift to give his Daughter as she grows, so does the Mother with her ...
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Relationship Pillar #2: Eyes Open and Willing to See the Truth

If we close our eyes it doesn't mean the situation “magically” changes or doesn't exist. We need to have our eyes open – Open and ...
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Identify Unhealthy Behavioral Themes in You and Others

Have you ever wondered why there is a theme to how things turn out for you in certain situations? It is likely that you are ...
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Self-Esteem: The Father’s Precious Gift to his Daughter

A father is the gateway to his daughter's future relationships with boys and eventually men or women. What is this precious gift that a father ...
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Relationship Pillar #1: No Agenda – No Belief It MUST Be A Certain Way

What is an Agenda? An agenda is a belief that we keep because it serves a purpose. We believe it “must be” this way for ...
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Anchor Page: Challenging Negative Beliefs – Anchoring New Accurate Beliefs

What is an Anchor Page? We all have experienced our negative beliefs running away with us in difficult times. What if there was a way ...
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Heal Negative Childhood Experiences as an Adult

Negative childhood experiences stay in our memory bank in our brain. They can affect our brain function, emotions, sleep function, relationships, immune system, and even ...
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The Four Pillars Of Dating And Relationships

We have all heard the horror stories from all of the dates gone so wrong. We have most likely experienced some of those horror stories ...
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Mind-Shift: Ideas That Catapult Us Forward In Our Thinking & Growth

What is a mind-shift? A mind-shift occurs when our thinking moves from one perspective or viewpoint to another. For example, look at the picture in ...
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Attract What You Want: Create an Image or Vision Board

We attract experiences that match our subconscious beliefs. If we expect failure or disappointment, we will usually realize failure or disappointment. If we expect success ...
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Create a Must Have List to Recognize Mr/Ms Right

The last blog discussed how you have to first know yourself well before you can recognize the “right” person for you in a romantic relationship ...
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Coping with Difficult Times – Sink or Swim

Life happens. Coping with it makes all of the difference between sinking into a dark place or staying afloat and swimming. How we make it through ...
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The ABC’s of Improving Your Self-Esteem NOW

As children, we rely on others to define our worth by giving us clues about how they experience us. But as an adult, you have ...
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Dating 101: Know Yourself First To Recognize Mr/Ms Right

If you don't know yourself, how can you know who you should be dating? Many relationships go wrong because the people are not a match ...
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Do Your Decisions Come From Fear or Avoidance or Desire?

Where our decisions come from emotionally makes a big difference in terms of how we get to where we want to go. For example, someone ...
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How Our Self-Esteem Is A Magnet

Did you know that we tend to attract the same level of self-esteem in others as we have in ourselves? If you look at your ...
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Relationship Checklist – Part 2

In Part 2 of the Relationship Checklist, we continue discussing the factors that contribute to a secure and lasting romantic relationship. These same principles can ...
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“Corner People” and How To Get Out Of Their Corner

Definition of “CORNER PEOPLE” : Those individuals that seem to push you into a corner to get what they want. They are relentless and have no regard ...
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How Our Self-Esteem Is Easily Distorted As A Child

The Self-Esteem of children and teens is very vulnerable to distorted perceptions of value to parents, friends and family. Negative impressions are not always accurate ...
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Relationship Checklist for Couples – Part I

Relationships are like a Greenhouse: You have especially chosen your flowers and plants because they are appealing to you and they give you joy. But ...
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Your Core is Your New Best Friend

What is a Core and why would it be your new best friend? By Core I mean the gut feeling we all have inside us ...
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WHAT SELF WORTH DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO THE MIRROR?

Self Worth Fact # 1: The majority of people do not have an accurate view of their Self Worth when they look in the mirror ...
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RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST FOR COUPLES- Intro

What goes into making a relationship successful? Relationships are a lot of work and that will never change. It is about wanting to have a ...
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LIFE SKILLS: WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE DON’T KNOW

Life skills usually are not taught in school. So how can we learn how to cope? Or how to grieve? Or how to find our ...
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