Susan Saint-Welch LMFT has counseled couples and individuals for many years on issues such as dating, marriage, family drama, coping with difficult times, improving self-image and living the life you love. She provides psychotherapy for clients in California and Dating, Couples and Life Coaching for clients outside California through secure video conferencing. She has published numerous articles regarding these issues on her website, on and on

Feeling Alone, Isolated, or Invisible? Here’s What You Can Do Today!

Feeling Alone

Covid-19 pandemic has set a new social experience for most people. Feeling alone,  isolated, or invisible are all normal for this time in our lives. Remember, there was no dress rehearsal for Covid-19. It’s an abnormal situation in our current lives. Many people on their own are feeling alone but are uncomfortable reaching out to others, or they choose instead to isolate even more and just “go inside” themselves.  And some people choose to override possible contamination from Covid-19 and seek company anyway. Some create “safe” contact, and others may choose to override the recommendations for social distancing with friends.…

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Don’t Like Who You’re Dating? Fix Your Self-Esteem!

Not Liking Who You Are Dating

Have you ever taken an inventory of who you’ve dated? If you’re not liking who you’re dating, chances are it’s your self-esteem. The reality is that we tend to date the same degree of self-esteem that we believe we have.  No worries though. Your self-esteem is very fixable. It takes some work, but the positive changes you make, especially in your dating practices will be well worth it.   What is Self-Esteem? Self-Esteem is the degree to which we value ourselves. The more we value ourselves, the higher degree is our self-esteem.  This doesn’t mean being “cocky”.  People who truly…

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Why Speaking Each Other’s Love Language is a Must

Love Languages

Without speaking each other’s Love Language it’s often difficult to really feel loved. Without hitting the right love language of each other, the feeling of love is “just a known thing” at best. It becomes just what someone “says” but you don’t feel it, even though they are being genuine. I know this may sound kind of harsh, but let me explain why I believe this concept to be true. To do this, I need to talk about what I mean by ”love languages”. If you haven’t heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then…

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6 Common Mistakes in Dating You Must Know and Fix Now!

Common Mistakes In Dating

We all have our dating horror stories about those common mistakes in dating experiences and mates we’ve had. That’s human and excusable ……to a degree. If we don’t learn from these experiences, then that’s on us. Below are some of the most common mistakes people make in dating choices and mates. If any of these ring a bell for you, or make you feel nauseous, then your mind and body are telling you that you need to pay close attention to these items below.   1. Being in the Dark About What You Want in a Relationship You might be…

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Raising Your Self-Esteem Through Healthy Friends

Raise Self-Esteem Through Friends

Raising your self-esteem can’t be done without looking at the friends around you. These friends have one of the biggest impacts on the degree of our self-valuing. Let’s take a look at why this is so important.   What is Self-Esteem? Webster’s Dictionary defines self-esteem as “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: SELF-RESPECT”. However, today it’s often used in a more generic manner of how we feel about ourselves, positively or negatively in degrees.   Why is Raising Your Self-Esteem So Important? The degree you value yourself is the degree of self-esteem you operate from with yourself and others. For…

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The ABC’s of Improving Your Self-Esteem Now! (Updated)

Would my self-esteem be different if I could draw?

(This article on improving your self-esteem updates one of the first articles I wrote a few years ago.) You can begin improving your Self-Esteem as an adult now! As children, we rely on others to define our worth by giving us clues about how they experience us. But as an adult, you have logical, rational, and reasoning capabilities to determine what is true for you. You can use these skills now to create more positive and accurate self-esteem that may have been damaged or stunted in childhood. Here are some steps on improving your Self- Esteem as an adult:  …

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You Are Not in Control of Your Heart – But Here is What You CAN Do!

There is no magic in finding your ” right” mate in life. It’s about believing in yourself, having a clear picture of what you want, and sticking to that. But to do that, some factors need to be in place. The reality is that you are not in control of your heart. Let’s take a look at the factors that significantly increase your ability to find your best mate.   Make Sure Your Self-Esteem is Healthy We tend to attract about the same degree of mental health in a mate as we have ourselves, like it or not. That’s how…

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7 Negative Effects of Poor Self-Esteem

Negative Effects of Poor Self-esteem

There is a reason you may struggle in life with the negative effects of poor self-esteem. If you look at the people in your life you will begin to notice some have healthier relationships than others. This is not by chance but absolutely relates to the degree of healthy self-esteem in both you and them. The good news is that it’s not your fault and it is fixable. The “not-so-good-news” is that it takes a lot of work, and most likely also the help of a professional who is trained in this area.  For starters, let ‘s take a look…

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What Did You Learn About Yourself from COVID-19?

Child Studying

You have a perfect opportunity at your feet. Whenever life circumstances present themselves, you often learn about yourself and how you operate in different situations. COVID-19 is a great example. As our life goes on, we often take for granted our routine, friends, work, and often even our romantic relationships. It becomes automatic, and we don’t think about it much. That’s normal. But when there is a change in our circumstances, such as COVID-19, things that were “normal” for us can easily change. Sometimes the change involves loss. However, change also comes an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and…

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How To Trust Someone Again After They’ve Betrayed You & Broken Your Heart

Negative Effects of Poor Self-esteem

Have you been betrayed by someone you truly loved? Betrayal can be one of the most hurtful things to experience in any kind of relationship. It’ breaks trust. Once that’s broken, how do you get your trust back again? Is it even possible? How do you know trying again in that relationship is even worth it, or that it can’t happen again in the future? Click below for an article I wrote for YourTango about this very issue. How To Trust Someone Again After They’ve Betrayed You & Broken Your Heart   These other articles on my website discuss similar topics.…

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