What Stops You From Improving Your Self-Esteem?

You may have read articles about what stops you from improving your self-esteem. But if nothing is changing for the better, then something is likely in the way. Why is your self-esteem not getting any better? Is it because it truly can’t? Or is this as good as your self-esteem will ever be? You’re afraid it can’t improve?

If this resonates for you, you are not alone. When we want something really important to us, it’s easy to have doubts about it ever-improving. But why is that?

Let’s take a look at why this dynamic may be so common.

 

You Really Want to Improve Your Self-Esteem. So What Stops You?

When we are thinking of making a change in our life it’s absolutely normal to have fears about the possibility of negative things occurring in our life because of that change. Will your change not be good enough to make a positive difference? Then what?

Or perhaps you feel overwhelmed about how to get the right help. What if it doesn’t work?

There are many other fears that may come up for you. But thehttp://What Stops You From Improving Your Self-Esteem? The bottom line I want you to remember is that anybody can learn to feel better about themselves if they do the work. It may take time, or trying to find just the right therapist who can help you. Or even where to begin to read up on the topic of improving self-esteem.

These concerns are all normal but they don’t y need to stop you from improving your self-esteem. Let’s take a look at various concerns or fears that many people may have when considering making a significant change like this.

 

Fear That Your Self-Esteem Will Never Improve No Matter What You Do

Most everyone has had this thought at some time in their life about something. This is absolutely normal to experience. What if you put all of this hard work into this project and nothing changes? Good question.

The answer is you may need to keep looking for various ways of making this positive change. Do your research. Read a variety of articles about self-esteem and how people truly can improve it.   

Eventually, you will find a particular article that resonates with you. Or you may bump into someone who works with improving self-esteem that feels like the right fit for you. Either way, if you truly put the effort into working on this in a way that fits you, you will move forward.

 

Concerned That if Your Self-Esteem Significantly Improves it Will Change Who You Are?

Change can often be uncomfortable for anyone. After all, we don’t know the end result of our efforts until we have done the work and practiced our new behaviors and thinking. But the reality is, if you begin to feel better about yourself, there may be some people around you that are not comfortable with your behavioral changes.

Sometimes it’s because they may feel threatened by you improving yourself, and fear the relationship will change and they will lose you. Or what if you do all the work, and nothing gets better? In that case, something is “off” and not working correctly. 

If you truly do the work, especially with a professional, such as a psychotherapist you like and trust, you will move forward. That’s not to say there won’t be bumps in the road, but we all have that when we are making some changes. And it will be hard work.

 

Will You Lose Your Friends if You Noticeably Feel Better About Who You Are?

You might. But if that does occur, it is more likely to occur because your friends or family may not trust that you will still value them.  Or they may feel threatened by you improving yourself. Even though you may feel better and healthier it doesn’t mean you have to leave your friends and family behind. 

This doesn’t often occur, especially with family. But sometimes people may fear that you will no longer value them. Especially in friendships or with a mate it’s not unusual for someone to fear losing the person who is getting healthier. 

It may be your choice to move on or not, or it could be the friend or mate who doesn’t feel comfortable with your changes. That could happen, but if it does, it will more likely be their fear of being left behind. You can always talk to them about the changes and how you feel about your relationship with them. 

Maybe they will want to be healthier also. If not, you may need to decide to move on or to continue the friendship. But don’t let it send you backward from all your healthy work.

 

What Happens If You Already Are With a Mate? Will You Lose Them?

It’s not as likely if they want to move forward in life in a healthy way as well. If you’re already in a relationship with a mate you may want to think about how the relationship feels to you.

 Is your mate open to making some positive changes, if need be? If they are open, you can both discuss what’s working in the relationship and what may need to possibly change for the better.

If they are open to positive changes you might want to seek a psychotherapist who is trained in helping people to be healthy and works with couples. If your mate does not want to do this, at least for now, it’s absolutely ok for you to go on your own. It’s a choice you both can make for yourself. 

 

Final Thoughts

This is not a complete list of fears or concerns that may get in the way of someone feeling better about themselves. But it’s a start in moving forward. It’s a choice you make, one way or another. If you are struggling either with your self-image or are unhappy with a current relationship, think about what will feel better to you. Do the work and you will feel better about yourself and your life experiences.

About Susan Saint-Welch

Susan Saint-Welch LMFT has counseled couples and individuals for many years on issues such as dating, marriage, family drama, coping with difficult times, improving self-image and living the life you love. She provides psychotherapy for clients in California and Dating, Couples and Life Coaching for clients outside California through secure video conferencing. She has published numerous articles regarding these issues on her website, on YourTango.com and on MSN.com.

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