Why Speaking Each Other’s Love Language is a Must

Love LanguagesWithout speaking each other’s Love Language it’s often difficult to really feel loved. Without hitting the right love language of each other, the feeling of love is “just a known thing” at best. It becomes just what someone “says” but you don’t feel it, even though they are being genuine.

I know this may sound kind of harsh, but let me explain why I believe this concept to be true. To do this, I need to talk about what I mean by ”love languages”.

If you haven’t heard of the book called The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, then you are in for a real treat. This link explains more about why love languages are so important.

 His theory and books make feeling loved much easier to understand as your mate, and dramatically increases the degree of love you feel from your partner. At least when you speak each other’s love languages. 

Before we get into the “how-to” of this method of feeling loved, let’s look at why this is important to do.

 

The Benefits of Speaking Each Other’s Love Language

By hitting each other’s most important love languages you are speaking volumes. Here is a list of just some of the benefits of speaking the most meaningful love languages.

  • It means you took the time to recognize what makes you feel loved.
  • Your mate has a much easier time knowing how to help you feel the love that is in his heart.
  • By knowing his love language, it demonstrates to your partner that you care about his needs, and vice-versa. 
  • Every time you speak a love language of your mate you are saying “I love you!” 
  • When you know what love languages are most felt by each of you, then you know you “hit the mark” by speaking the language that matters most to each of you.
  • By demonstrating an act of love in each partner’s language, you are speaking volumes that you each have different needs. And it is not about right or wrong. 

 

You Have to Hit the Right Spot to Feel Loved

I’m not talking about a particular “place” on your body. Haha. I’m talking about each of you speaking the Love Language that fits that person most naturally, and makes them feel loved. 

When you both feel loved it makes being together, sharing experiences, and truly enjoying the company of your mate, a lot easier!

But to feel this, both partners must speak the language of love that most resonates with each person. It’s about what feels best for each person, not what’s right or wrong.

 

You Each Must Speak the Love Language of Your Mate!

For you to feel loved, your mate must speak your love language, not his. And vice-versa. It’s just how it is. Think about when you do something for your mate that is how you would want to be treated. Will your gesture feel the same to your mate, as it does you? Usually not, because it’s not the particular love language that makes them truly feel loved.

Let’s turn this around. Have you ever gotten a gift that someone was excited to give you because they loved the gift? How did you feel? Maybe “meh” comes to mind. You may have “appreciated” that gift, but did it truly resonate as a special treat for you? Usually not the case.

So it’s important to speak the love language of each person for it to be truly felt and meaningful. A gesture can be “nice”. However, it’s not the same as someone truly knowing you and taking the time to find that behavior or gift that truly makes you feel loved and valued.

 

How Do You Know What the Right Love Language is for You and Your Mate?

By taking the test (see the link above) you both will learn your love languages in order of preference. Then tell each other what the first 2-3 love languages are. This is at least what I tell my clients. That way, it’s easier for you and your mate to recognize the most important languages to use. Remember, it’s not about right or wrong. It’s about doing things that help each other feel loved by their mate. 

 

Final Thoughts

Loving someone and feeling loved are not the same thing. You can adore someone but it doesn’t mean they will feel that love in the same way you fee it. It’s about speaking their language of love, rather than yours. And telling them your top love languages. 

Help your mate to demonstrate his love in a way that you can feel it. And he will feel your love as well.

Remember, it’s not a guessing game! Hopefully, you now understand why speaking to each other’s love language is soooo important! Enjoy!

For more information on relationships, here are a few articles from my blog, Lifeandrelationships101.com:

11 Signs of an Emotionally Safe and Secure Relationship

How Self-Esteem Affects Dating, Choice of a Mate and Our Relationship

11 Signs to Find The Right Mate For a Successful Relationship

About Susan Saint-Welch

Susan Saint-Welch LMFT has counseled couples and individuals for many years on issues such as dating, marriage, family drama, coping with difficult times, improving self-image and living the life you love. She provides psychotherapy for clients in California and Dating, Couples and Life Coaching for clients outside California through secure video conferencing. She has published numerous articles regarding these issues on her website, on YourTango.com and on MSN.com.

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