Another year has come and gone. Are your relationships the same they were at the end of last year? How is that working for you? Do you have any unhappy relationships? Have you given each relationship your best efforts? If not, are you ready to improve your relationship to the best of your ability? Or are you needing to make significant changes in your life?
Sometimes relationships change and no longer fit us as they did in the beginning. We change, others change over time as well. That doesn’t mean relationships need to end. Sometimes they just need to be tweaked a bit. But how do we do this? They don’t teach relationship skills in school.
Take an Inventory
- Start with identifying those things that already work for you. It can be a romantic relationship, or a friendship, or family. What do you both do well in the relationship?
- Before something can be fixed or improved it is important to understand what is missing in the relationship. When does it occur? How do you feel when it occurs? Frustrated, hurt, left out, fearful, etc.
- What are things that could improve your relationship? Have you fully identified what it is about? Have you shared this with your mate, family member or friend? If so, what was their response? If not, why did you choose not to share that information?
- What do you envision for this relationship? Is it a relationship you deeply value? Or is it a working relationship? The effort to improve your relationship also depends upon the value you place upon it.
- We don’t get to choose our family and coworkers. But we can take control and do things that will make it better for one or both of us.
How to determine if you can improve your relationship, or if “ it is what it is”
- If you have discussed how you feel with your mate, friend or family member, what was the result? Do both of you want to work on the relationship?
- If an agreement was made to work on it, did the work happen? If not, why not? Fear? Not knowing how to make the changes, or what the changes would involve? Or maybe just not really wanting to make the changes. Or perhaps not valuing the relationship enough to put in the effort.
- If you find you both want to make improvements but don’t know how, seeking professional guidance can be very helpful. Especially for committed relationships, but also important for friendships and family members you more highly value.
- I always look at the end result. If the same things happen time and time again, and with no follow through in making changes or seeking professional assistance, then you may not want to change.. I fully believe we do what we want to do and don’t do what we don’t want to do. I always look at the end result over time.
The New Year is a time for reflection of what works for us and what does not work as well. How hard are we willing to work in a relationship? What can we live without and what must we have in order to feel fulfilled in a romantic relationship? Even in friendships, do we need to surround ourselves with only positive people? Or can we accept the ups and downs of life that we often experience and helps us to grow? Are our values similar, whether it is a friend or lover? Do we enjoy many of the same activities?
The New Year is a time for fun, but also a time for reflection of the new year ahead. What makes you happy? What stops you from being happy and fulfilled? Are you around healthy people? If a relationship is unhealthy, are you ready to improve your relationship?
Enjoy your New Year! Be Safe! And make healthy choices!!!!