What Is The Gift?
Just as the Father has a special gift to give his Daughter as she grows, so does the Mother with her Son. Just like the father is the door to future men in his daughter’s life, the mother is the door to her son’s future relationships with women. It is the mother who can teach her son about women: how they think, what they value in a man, how they are different than most men, what women want or need in a man. And a very important lesson is how to respect women – something our culture often neglects.
Through the relationship between Mother and Son, the son is learning how to understand the differences between a man and a woman. She can demonstrate to the son how she wants to be treated, what makes her feel important to him and how he can contribute his part in a relationship. She can appreciate how he feels emotionally inside, and normalize this for him. The mother can teach him that feelings are important to share in a relationship.
The Most Precious Gift: His Real Worth
All of these gifts are important. However, the largest gift is for the Mother to demonstrate to the son what his real worth is to a woman. What is special in him that the right woman will admire and appreciate. The Mother is the one who has the gift to also teach him what his worth is not about. For example, his worth is not about his money, or his car, or what he can provide in luxury beyond the necessities. It is not about his power or prestige. It is about who he is as a person inside. His special talents, how he treats people, how he believes in himself. What he has that is special to the right woman who recognizes the “gold” in him.
Many men and women do not know their true value to a mate that comes from who they are inside. It’s not a parent’s fault for not teaching this and it is rarely if ever taught in schools. It is certainly not promoted in the advertising media. So it is unlikely that most men and women understand and value their true worth inside, beyond their beauty, power or financial status. Therefore, it is very unlikely for them to see the importance of passing this knowledge on to their children. But this is the Gold a parent has to offer their children. Not just between father and daughter, or mother and son, but to all of their children by both parents.
Why This Is So Important:
One of the largest contributing factors in picking a mate is how we first value ourselves, and what we feel we deserve in a mate. When we value the internal qualities in us we are more likely to choose a healthy mate who matches our self-worth. When we choose a healthy mate we are dramatically increasing the chances of a healthy relationship. However, we must also recognize those qualities we need to have in a mate for a fulfilling relationship and healthy match.
It is also important to help our children find their true worth because we tend to unconsciously pick a mate who has similar traits to our parents, and most often in the negative. This is called Imago and was discussed previously in a blog entitled Pillar # 1: No Agenda under the Relationship 101 Blogs.
So the more we value ourselves, the more likely we are to pick a mate who has the same degree of self-worth and emotional health as we do. And therefore, we are increasing the chances of having a healthy relationship in the future. Also, it is often the healthier couples that recognize the importance of premarital counseling to learn the necessary skills and concepts to more easily navigate the challenges of an intimate relationship.
It is never too late for a parent to help their adult child see their true value and worth. It is one of the most loving gifts a parent can offer their child, at any age.
1. Were you fortunate enough to have a parent show you how valued you are and what special gifts you have to offer a mate one day? What are those gifts?
2. If not, then you can still do this yourself. You may want to take a look at past blogs under this same category of Self-Esteem.
3. If you were not lucky enough to have this shown to you by a parent or adult early on, are there things you want to demonstrate for your child or children that you want them to know about their worth and value? How would you do this?
Mother and Son: The Respect Effect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs