7 Ways to Stop Arguing And Reconnect Your Romantic Relationship

How do you stop arguing when it seems like the argument will never be resolved? When we keep replaying the same argument over and over again we feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, sad and sometimes helpless and hopeless. Just because we can’t stop arguing doesn’t mean there isn’t a resolution. It means we haven’t found a way to avoid the triggers that continue the negative cycling. We learn how to argue and deal with conflict mostly from our parents who learned it from their parents, and so on. Sometimes we deliberately go another way, hoping that way will work better. But…

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How Do I Know If I Have A Secure Attachment In My Relationship?

When we are in a relationship comprising a secure attachment we feel safe, secure, cared for, and that we can rely on “our person”. In a secure attachment with someone (a best friend, a romantic mate, or a child) we feel valued, heard and emotionally connected to one another. We feel that our needs matter. Our attachments begin with our parents or guardian, and evolve to our closest friends and eventually to a romantic relationship with a partner. The more attached we are to our “person” the more vulnerable we feel with them. When one partner pulls away the other…

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Surviving Valentine’s Day Pressure In a Relationship, Or Single

Valentines Day means many different things to people. For some it signifies the love they feel for their mate. Others (whether they have a mate or not) see Valentines Day as a sham by the retail industry to milk that day for all its worth. Some people avoid it like the plague, even to the point of not going to work that day. Some romantics have high expectations of their mate, even expecting them to top last year’s thoughtfulness. I hear this more from women than men. And from men I will hear the pressure they silently feel to meet…

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You Must See The Whole Person. You Can’t Just Pick The Values You Like

Wouldn’t it be a perfect relationship world if we could love someone without seeing the “the bad and the ugly” in them and just focus on their good values? Well, some people do this everyday, but unfortunately we live with all the parts, and are affected by all the parts. No one is perfect and we live with their imperfections, just as we live with our own. The important factor is knowing the difference between the values we can truly live with and what we cannot. Why We Can’t Pick and Choose What to See in a Person Have you…

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Make Your Decisions Out Of Desire- Not Fear Or Avoidance

We make hundreds of decisions a day, of which most are unconscious. What to eat, what to wear, when to leave for work, which lane to drive in, which calls we take and which calls we let go to voicemail. Even where we focus our eyes. Making Conscious Decisions We make some decisions more consciously. When we need to end a relationship. Who to date. Even more importantly, who to marry. Whether or not to have children is a very difficult decision for some people. Most of these decisions come from desire. Making Decisions From A Fear of a Negative…

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4 Scenarios for an Unhealthy Relationship – What If No Improvement or Change?

One day you wake up and finally decide that your unhealthy relationship is not working and it is not going to improve on its own. This is really scary and uncomfortable to feel. However, just because things are not changing does not mean they can’t change.  Remember, we don’t know what we don’t know. In other words, we only know things in life that we bump into incidentally, experience along the way, or learn about purposefully.  There are possibilities beyond our knowledge that open the door for change. There are four main scenarios for resolving an unhealthy relationship: Both people…

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Improve Your Relationship in 2018. What Will YOU Do To Improve It?

Another year has come and gone. Are your relationships the same they were at the end of last year? How is that working for you? Do you have any unhappy relationships?  Have you given each relationship your best efforts? If not, are you ready to improve your relationship to the best of your ability? Or are you needing to make significant changes in your life? Sometimes relationships change and no longer fit us as they did in the beginning.  We change, others change over time as well. That doesn’t mean relationships need to end. Sometimes they just need to be…

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Find And Fill That Emotional Hole in Your Heart

In “Havana”, Camila Cabello sings of longing for her home after she lets a guy take her away to East Atlanta. This is a great example of an emotional hole inside our heart, or inside what I call our core being. This feeling will not go away unless we fill that emptiness, or at least fully resolve not having it and find fulfillment in another way. Most everyone has felt a deep emotional hole inside for one reason or another.  It can come from a variety of reasons, but they all have in common an absence or loss of something…

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Understand Your Mate – Fight Less and Love More! Build a context.

When you more fully understand how your mate ticks, you build a context of that person. This understanding allows you to use that context during those times when you feel hurt, misjudged, or unheard (which is inevitable in relationships). When you understand how your mate thinks and feels in various experiences you can apply this context to other situations and more accurately interpret what your mate really means. This can help prevent those misunderstood feelings or “disconnections” from occurring. For example, as a newlywed, I often felt my husband would ignore me. One time I was in the kitchen, just…

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Dating and Self-Esteem: How One Affects the Other

Bad dating experiences affect our Self-Esteem, but this is the end of the cycle – not where it begins. Our Self-Esteem very much affects how we present ourselves and the impression it leaves on other people. Are we confident? Or do we feel we have little to offer someone? Do we set the bar low, expecting little from our dates, believing this is all we deserve? This is just the beginning of how our Self-Esteem affects our Dating choices and experiences. Poor self-esteem when we begin dating can initiate a downward spiral of bad dating experiences. This reinforces our poor…

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