Dating and Relationships

Self-Esteem & DatingDating is hard. Keeping a relationship is harder. The keys to both dating and relationships are knowing yourself, knowing what you want, expressing your needs, listening to the needs of your (future) partner, and working out some sort of compromise. The articles below may help your current situation or you can suggest an article by contacting Susan Saint-Welch HERE. Please see the sidebar to the right to discuss if coaching or psychotherapy is appropriate for you.

Relationship Checklist For Couples and Singles – Intro

Realtionship Checklist Intro

Great relationships that endure over time have common behaviors and values that create a healthy and nourishing bond. This relationship checklist works for both couples and singles. It identifies the needed ingredients for a healthy and enduring romantic relationship. You can find a link to a downloadable version of the Relationship Checklist at the end of the article. We naturally want a close, loving, emotionally safe relationship with someone we cherish. What goes into making a relationship successful? Relationships are a lot of work and that will never change. We want to value, respect someone with whom we want to…

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How Self-Esteem Affects Dating, Choice of a Mate and Our Relationship

How Self Esteem Affects Dating

Self-Esteem affects dating in a very basic way: The healthier self-esteem we have, the healthier mate we will attract. More importantly, the better we feel about ourselves, the healthier our relationship can be because we choose a mate with about the same degree of self-esteem as ours. We are more likely to choose well when we are emotionally healthy. Relationships are a lot of work, therefore, the healthier we and our mate are, the easier we can function in the relationship. This means we can grow and enjoy each other in healthy ways over time.  What Self-Esteem Looks Like in…

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11 Signs to Find The Right Mate For a Successful Relationship

Find the Rt Mate

Finding the right mate for a successful relationship requires knowing and valuing yourself first, and what you want. We tend to attract the same level of self-esteem in our mate as what we have in ourselves. It’s not a guessing game If you know what you want and also have those same qualities. I am not saying that you two need to be the same person. However, you need to have a lot in common to share a life together. Here are some guidelines to determine what you want and if your guy or girl is the right one. 1.…

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7 Vital Reasons to Understand What He is Really Saying: Context

Relationships can be tough. Building a “context” of what your mate is really saying significantly increases emotional intimacy and closeness between the two of you. And equally important, building a context significantly lessens the disagreements couples have. We don’t always exactly mean what we say in our conversation. We open our mouth and some sentences come out. But we don’t always thoroughly think through what we are saying. Sound familiar? That’s often how arguments begin. We misunderstand the context or meaning of what the other person is trying to say. And then the downward cycling is well on its way!…

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People With These 14 Personality Traits Are Most Likely To Have A Secure Attachment Style

If you want to feel a secure attachment in your relationship pick someone with these qualities! People with a secure attachment style approach relationships differently from those who typically form problematic relationships. Their personality traits include being confident, emotionally open and loving. The fortunate person they love will feel secure, treasured, emotionally safe and highly valued by their secure partner. I say fortunate, because in one study done by Cindy Hazan Ph.D. and Phillip Shaver Ph.D. only 56% of people reported enjoying secure relationship attachments. But in order to attract someone with these personality traits, you need to first learn…

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Relationship Deal Breakers – Know Your Warning Signs & Red Flags

Relationship Deal Breakers

When counseling my clients at my LA office I use a system of Red, Orange and Yellow Flags to help them recognize varying degrees of warning signs in dating or relationships. This also is a decision-making system to recognize what you will live with and what traits become deal breakers. A Red Flag means RUN! These very dangerous characteristics are highly unlikely to ever change. Relationships are challenging enough without being doomed from the start. Orange means improvement will most likely require significant work with a therapist skilled in that particular area. You must decide if you think it can…

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Is Your Good Guy Sometimes A Bad Person? Can You Live With That?

Good Guy Bad Person

Have you ever heard the phrases “turning a blind eye” or “seeing through rose colored glasses?” This means that someone chooses to see only what they want to see, and overlooks the negative factors. However, the negative behavior still happens. The other person just chooses to overlook it. No one is perfect and we live with their imperfections, just as they live with ours. The important factor is knowing the difference between what we can truly live with and what we cannot. What Happens When You Overlook the Negative? Negative behavior will eventually affect the relationship if it goes unchecked…

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6 Questions to Ask When Someone You Love Has Depression

Pic of person in crisis

You’ve been watching your loved one struggle with serious depression for a while now. What do you do? What do you say? You’re not a psychologist or a doctor! The good news is that you can help. This article presents a series of questions to ask to determine the extent of the depression. You will have a better feel for how to interpret their answers and get them the help they need. It also describes some of the possible signs of depression so that you can better determine if they need help. Read the article HERE. This article was originally published on where…

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The Secret Ingredient To Creating Passion In Your Relationship

Nice dinner, soft lighting, candles and tasty cuisine. Why isn’t this enough to ignite passion? Because of one missing ingredient: Connection. What is connection? And why is it so important in a relationship? How does connection create passion? And how can I connect with my mate? What Connection Looks Like: At its core, emotional connection describes a bonding between two people: An appreciation or understanding of one another. Reaching towards the other person. Feeling valued and “seen” by the other person. A coming together over common goals. Having things in common. Feeling like two people in the world together. Connection…

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7 Ways to Stop Arguing And Reconnect Your Romantic Relationship

Stop Arguing

How do you stop arguing when it seems like the argument will never be resolved? When we keep replaying the same argument over and over again we feel frustrated, angry, annoyed, sad and sometimes helpless and hopeless. Just because we can’t stop arguing doesn’t mean there isn’t a resolution. It means we haven’t found a way to avoid the triggers that continue the negative cycling. We learn how to argue and deal with conflict mostly from our parents who learned it from their parents, and so on. Sometimes we deliberately go another way, hoping that way will work better. But…

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