Don’t Be Stuck in Your Life – Try Creating a Flow Instead

Creating A FlowWhen we’re creating a flow in our life we actually use up less “heartbeats” as I call it. By this, I mean learning to panic less and instead, to create a belief in ourselves that we can figure things out.  And yes, this is possible to do, and it works!

What is a Flow and What Does it Look Like?

When we are creating a flow in our life we let go of unhealthy expectations that don’t work for us. We build trust in ourselves that we will get through difficult times. It’s the acceptance that we won’t always have the right answers, but eventually, we’ll figure things out.

If something isn’t working for us, we allow ourselves to make healthy changes. This is done without blame because we understand that we are all human and will make mistakes in our life.

What Does a Lack of Flow Look Like?

For example, you are so excited about a new job. But as time goes by, you realize this job is not a good fit for you. People without a “flow” in life will likely blame themselves for making a bad decision. Or they may lose faith in themselves that they will never be happy in a job at all. And worst of all, they may remain in a job that’s toxic to them.

That’s what a lack of flow looks like. Such a lack is often about self-blame and stubbornness to change, and not valuing yourself enough to find what fits you better in life.

Sometimes, it’s more about a fear of the unknown that keeps someone from moving forward in life. There are people who would prefer to deal with things that are not pleasant for them because at least they know what to expect. These are often people who are afraid of being disappointed in life, so they lower their expectations to avoid disappointment. Very likely, they have been seriously disappointed in life already and never want to experience that again.

But instead, you can learn to recognize something that is unhealthy for you, or not a good match and do something to make it better. A flow allows you to make mistakes without blaming yourself. Creating a flow takes the “blaming” away because we understand that we are human and we all make mistakes at one time or another.

How Do I Create a Flow in My Life?

Here are some examples:

  • Trying not to blame yourself for “mistakes”. Blame isn’t productive.
  • Realizing blame doesn’t change the situation. Everyone makes mistakes. That’s the humanness in us all.
  • Understanding that you deserve to be happy in life. Everyone does.
  • Accepting that creating a flow takes work and time to see the results. Sometimes we don’t know what we like until we do it.
  • Learning to recognize when something really works for you, and when it doesn’t.Acceptance of the “unknown” and that you need to live your life a day at a time. This doesn’t mean you can’t plan ahead. It’s about accepting the fact that none of us really know for sure what’s ahead in our life. All we can do is to take life “a day at a time”.
  • Creating a flow is about understanding that you have it within you to fix something that isn’t working. It’s your choice.

What Gets in the Way When We’re Not Creating a Flow?

  • Having too many or unrealistic expectations. ie: that this path won’t take too long, or that you won’t have any regrets along the way. Unrealistic expectations don’t work well.
  • Being too hard on yourself, especially if it’s about self-blame.
  • Losing faith in yourself which keeps you from moving forward, and not overriding unrealistic expectations.
  • Listening to what other people are saying, even when you doubt their credibility.
  • Not putting in “the time” and effort to move forward. Most often, things that are special to us that we want most often take a lot of work, effort, and time.

Final Thoughts

We all have this choice in our life: to move forward towards those things that are healthy, productive, and fulfilling or to avoid these things, even when we know what we’re doing is not working.

Sometimes it’s our pride that gets in the way. But behind that pride can really be a fear of failing. The reality is that we all have choices we make every day. We can move in a direction that is healthy and fulfilling for us, even if it’s scary because of the unknown result.

Or we can choose to stay “safe” and not expand our skills and belief in ourselves. The choice is yours to make, and only yours.

Value yourself and move forward towards what is healthy and fulfilling. Be well!

Happy New Year!!! Make it the best one so far!

About Susan Saint-Welch

Susan Saint-Welch LMFT has counseled couples and individuals for many years on issues such as dating, marriage, family drama, coping with difficult times, improving self-image and living the life you love. She provides psychotherapy for clients in California and Dating, Couples and Life Coaching for clients outside California through secure video conferencing. She has published numerous articles regarding these issues on her website, on and on

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