Your Core is Your New Best Friend

What is a Core and why would it be your new best friend? By Core I mean the gut feeling we all have inside us from time to time. When you have to make a call that is really uncomfortable for you, don’t you feel that weight like something is tugging at you in a negative way in the pit of your stomach? And after the call is made doesn’t your gut feel lighter? Or when you see a beautiful sunset that really touches your heart doesn’t your gut feel warm or comforting? How about when you first meet someone and something feels “off” to you about them or the conversation, but you don’t recognize what it is, and can’t put a name to it. And then later you realize what it was that was making you uncomfortable about that person. These are all examples of our Core talking to us all of the time. It is our intuition that speaks to us. Our Core to me, is who we are. What makes us happy, or sad, or energized, or avoidant.

Why is this so important a concept? Have you ever heard the saying that happiness is a conscious decision? That happy people choose to be happy. They are likely listening to their Core and how they feel and experience things around them. They choose what to remain upset about and let go of what is less important to them. Their Core is what they go by to measure and identify how they are feeling about something. They consciously choose things that are nourishing for their soul or lift their spirits. And they consciously avoid or find a way to make something work better for them when they have limited choices. In other words, these are conscious people who know what fills them up and know what drags them down emotionally. Their decisions come out of this knowledge of their Self and what works for them. For example, I pay extra money for a radio station that is commercial-free and plays the music I really enjoy because I know that music lifts my spirit and gives me joy.

Another reason this is an important concept is that as we learn to recognize it, even after the moment, we have a choice to learn from it and thereby learn more about Us, our Core. One of the reasons I believe that there are so many divorces and remarriages is that often people think if they change their mate they will no longer be unhappy. But I believe that wherever we go, we take ourselves with us (for example, our way of choosing a mate). Do we continue to attract the same kind of person who does not fit us in a healthy way? Do we practice healthy communication, and how we generally behave in a romantic relationship? Do we learn what fits us and what does not work for us? Do we learn the necessary skills to navigate through the ups and downs of marriage? This is why I believe so strongly in premarital counseling and couples counseling.

Sometimes we override our Core or gut feeling because we have an agenda whether we are aware of it or not.  For example, a woman may override troubling thoughts about a man because her plan is to be married by 30 years of age.  As time passes in the marriage she becomes more aware of things that trouble her about her mate.  These are not new things.  They likely were always there if she did not have her agenda.  Another example would be a man who graduates college and feels the pressure to find a high-paying job, rather than going into public service which really called to him.  Later he finds he is rich, but very unhappy in his chosen career.  If these people had been more aware of their Core and what would truly make them happy they likely would have taken another path.

Without an awareness of our Core we would lose the ability to choose things that make us happy. Or to remove our Self from situations that are unhealthy for us. We might continue down the same path that has not worked for us in the past and has little chance of working for us in the future. Without this intuition and consciousness we lose opportunities to learn new skills, and to become more aware of who we are as a person. New skills to learn what our values and goals are about. Or an awareness of what kind of lifestyle we want, or if we want to have children one day or take a different direction that does not involve parenting.

These are just some of the reasons I believe our Core is our best friend. It watches over us, tells us when we have made a wrong turn or are lost. It gives us a “danger” signal at times. It tells us what fills our heart. Isn’t that what a best friend does?

Action Plan:

List 3 times when you had a gut feeling about a person or situation that turned out to be correct. What was it that spoke to your core? How will you use that information in the future?

List 5 things that make you happy (playing with your dog, riding your bike, listening to music, being around friends, etc.). Do at least one of those every day.

List a time when you had a gut feeling and over-rode it. Did you override the feeling because of your agenda? What was your agenda? What can you learn about this agenda for the future?

About Susan Saint-Welch

Susan Saint-Welch LMFT has counseled couples and individuals for many years on issues such as dating, marriage, family drama, coping with difficult times, improving self-image and living the life you love. She provides psychotherapy for clients in California and Dating, Couples and Life Coaching for clients outside California through secure video conferencing. She has published numerous articles regarding these issues on her website, on and on

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